


Mr. Self-Destruct

by bactaqueen



Series: Sweetest Friend [2]
Category: AFI, NIN - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-12
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-02-17 01:52:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2292524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bactaqueen/pseuds/bactaqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“…And I control you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mr. Self-Destruct

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual people or events is entirely coincidental.
> 
> Author’s Note: Originally posted June 2005.

Pain seared Davey’s awareness, and he tightened his fingers around the top edge of the exquisitely carved headboard. Eyes closed and head down, he moaned long and low. Fuck, yes, this was what he wanted. This was what he needed. This was what he lived for. This was the perfect pain he sought so desperately, the perfect pain that was so often elusive.

Davey arched his back and tossed his head, trying to get his hair out of his face. He used what leverage he had to slam himself back against Trent, impaling himself again and again on Trent’s hard dick.

"Trent--yes--harder," he panted. He cried out each time Trent hit his prostate, and it seemed to Davey that Trent’s intention was to have him all screamed out.

Sunlight spilled into the room, slanting through the wooden blinds, playing over the hardwood floor, the tangled and damp sheets, the sweat-slicked bodies moving desperately. Trent seemed more than willing to oblige Davey as he shifted his weight and gained more power for each thrust. His fingers curled tightly at Davey’s hips.

"Don’t," Trent gasped, and the word died in a strangled groan. "Fuck. Don’t come. Hold--"

Davey keened, half in protest, half in pleasure. He didn’t want to hold back, damn it. Trent filled him so perfectly; each stroke sent waves of ecstasy rolling through his body. He wanted release, wanted to paint the dark sheets below him with another coat of his seed. But he found himself nodding, biting his lip, holding back.

Faster, harder, rougher--Trent thrust mercilessly into Davey’s body, driving both of them closer and closer to that pinnacle of pleasure. And finally, Trent came, releasing himself deep inside Davey.

"Fuck--Davey!"

"Trent," Davey moaned in response.

With a groan full of something like severe physical hurt, Trent withdrew his softening cock from the warm confines of Davey’s ass. Davey couldn’t help his own quiet protest. Every bit of his awareness was focused the painful throbbing of his own dick, on his intense need to come.

Trent used Davey’s hipbones as handles and pulled the young man down, turning him. Once again, Davey found himself on his back beneath Trent, staring wide-eyed up into green-tinted eyes hot enough to melt coherent thought. Slender fingers closed around his cock and lips crushed his.

They kissed deeply. Trent was determined to taste him, to explore every millimeter of the inside of his mouth, to know the weight and texture of Davey’s tongue better than he knew his own.

When Trent finally broke the kiss, he held his lips over Davey’s, barely brushing. Davey could feel the heat of Trent’s ragged breaths on his lips. Eyes closed, Davey didn’t see Trent staring down at him; he could only feel the older man above him, feel those knowing fingers working him, teasing him.

"I want to taste you," Trent breathed into Davey’s open mouth.

Davey thrust helplessly into Trent’s hand, then drew his leg up and braced the heel of his left foot against the bed, spreading his legs. Blindly, Davey reached down and removed Trent’s hand from his cock; instead, he guided those fingers to the sore mouth of his abused anus.

"You have to be inside me," Davey insisted.

Without warning, Trent slammed two fingers into Davey as far as they would go. Davey cried out, and his hands scrabbled at Trent’s back, his fingertips and nails sinking into yielding skin. Trent kissed him once more, and then he was sliding down, leaving a spit-slick trail from his lips to his cock. Trent kissed the head, took it into his mouth, and kept going. Soon, Trent’s throat was tightening around Davey’s length, and Trent’s tongue was teasing the base of Davey’s cock. Trent crooked the two fingers inside Davey, then straightened them and began thrusting them in and out of Davey as he bobbed his head.

Davey came hard, screaming, convulsing, spilling into Trent’s mouth and down his throat. He shuddered one final time and felt every muscle in his body go limp. Trent pulled his fingers from Davey’s body, but continued to suck greedily at Davey’s softening member, coaxing the last dewy drops of come and the last quivers of pleasure from his body. Davey whimpered at the exquisite pain of it and reached to tangle his fingers in Trent’s hair. He tugged.

"Stop," he managed in a raw voice. "Please."

Trent let Davey slip from his mouth, but he darted up and claimed Davey’s lips in a hungry kiss, biting and sucking. Davey sighed into Trent’s mouth. He wanted to drown in these kisses. He wrapped Trent in his arms and held the pale thin body to his as he pushed fingers through black locks. He reveled in this, the come down after the high.

Slowly, reluctantly, Trent broke the kiss. His lips trailed over Davey’s jaw and down his neck. Gently, he squeezed Davey’s hip. "I wish you didn’t have to go," he said quietly.

Davey sighed quietly, almost imperceptibly. "Jade wants to write."

Trent shook his head. His hair fell and brushed Davey’s skin. "I know." He placed wet kisses up Davey’s neck. "Come back tonight."

Every cell in Davey’s body seemed to hold its breath at the prospect of another night like this, in Trent’s arms, of the perfect pain and the pleasure. "Do you mean that?"

"Oh, fuck yes." Trent’s voice was strained. He pushed his hips against Davey’s. "Hell, I’ll pick you up."

Eyes closed, Davey let his fingers drift up and down Trent’s back, over the trenches raked by his nails. "I’ll give you directions," he murmured.

They lay for long minutes, their bodies fitting together. Trent’s mouth worked at Davey’s neck, but the older man was careful to leave no marks. Davey focused on breathing and on the simple pleasure of bare skin against his.

Finally, the sun had moved too high in the sky. Davey ventured, "Can I use your shower?"

With a heavy sigh, Trent pulled away. He rolled off of Davey and off of the bed, moving to stand in one smooth motion. He looked down at the singer still buried in the sheets and pillows and offered a wry smile. "Of course," he said. "Use whatever you need." He lifted his hands and ran fingers through his hair, his eyes darting up and down, seemingly trying to memorize every square inch of Davey’s body. "Should I call a cab?"

Davey slipped out of bed and stood. He was less than three feet from Trent. Dark eyes met lighter ones. "Would you mind?"

Wordless, Trent shook his head.

Davey’s gaze fell momentarily, and he saw Trent’s cock twitch. Taking the chance, Davey reached out and ran a hand down Trent’s arm. "Maybe you could... join me...?"

He found himself suddenly wrapped in Trent’s arms, held securely to a tense body. "Fuck, you’re a tease."

Davey hid his face against Trent’s neck and smiled a small, dark smile. This was what he lived for.

* * *

  
One hour past noon found Davey clean and comfortable, sprawled in the center of his own bed, on his stomach with his feet on the pillows, wearing only a pair of black boxers and a plain black t-shirt. Loose sheets of paper covered in colored scribbles, notebooks, pens, and one of Jade’s old acoustic guitars were scattered around him on the bed, and he was waiting. Jade was late.

Screeching tires and slamming doors made Davey smile, and before Jade ever made it to the bedroom Davey could smell the Chinese fare he’d picked up to atone for his tardiness. God bless best friends.

Davey’s happiness lasted only as long as it took Jade to make it to the bedroom. Once he saw the look on the other man’s face, he knew that the day was taking a turn he had known to expect, but had hoped against just the same.

"Dave... you have to stop," Jade said simply. "You can’t keep doing this. You’re going to get hurt."

Davey narrowed his eyes but looked away; he wouldn’t win a staring contest with Jade, not now, probably not ever. "Adam called you."

Jade moved into the room and deposited the plastic bag that contained the food on top of Davey’s old black dresser. He closed the distance and stood at the foot of the bed, staring down at Davey. There was so much pain in his eyes. Davey kept his own gaze focused on a tear in the bedspread.

"I thought you were getting better," Jade said.

"I’m a grown man," Davey snapped. "I’m entitled to fun every now and then."

With a sigh of heartache, Jade kicked off his shoes and sank down on the bed, crumpling paper as he went. "Not when it hurts you," he argued.

Davey rolled away from his best friend and moved to sit back on his heels in the center of the bed. He finally faced Jade, meeting his sad brown gaze. "I can make my own decisions, Jade."

Darkness moved through Jade’s eyes. "I’m worried. You were doing so well."

Davey lowered his eyes and worried his lip. Shame filled him and threatened to overtake him. He remembered that last night, so many months ago, the last night he’d been able to manipulate Jade into feeding this addiction, the last night he’d been able to fool himself and his best friend. Once Jade knew, there had been no turning back. He’d turned into a veritable tyrant, forbidding anyone else from indulging Davey, running interference when Davey proved persistent. He’d tried to force a cure on the sick man, had tried to force him to work through this self-destruction.

For a while, it had worked. But Davey was a slave to the pain, and that was really all there was to it. Even all of Jade’s effort, all of his care, couldn’t change that. Davey was beginning to believe nothing could, and the belief was one that seemed to fill him with a nameless relief and dread at the same time.

Jade laid a gentle hand on Davey’s bare knee and asked, "Who, Dave?"

Stubbornly, Davey refused to look up. "Does it matter?"

"It does to me."

And there was Jade Puget’s dirty little secret, Davey reflected. Since Jade had learned the truth, he’d made it his own demon. Davey was addicted pain: brutal penetration, sliced skin, punctured veins, whatever he could get. Jade was addicted to Davey’s pain. And Davey knew, with a sinking feeling in his gut, that this time would be no different from countless others. Jade would press his questions until Davey confessed every rotten, sinful moment.

"Trent Reznor," Davey whispered.

Jade frowned, and it translated into his voice. "I didn’t even know he was..."

Davey shrugged listlessly. "Neither did I."

Fingers calloused from a lifetime strumming the strings of a guitar stroked over Davey’s skin. "You met him last night at the party." There was no question in Jade’s voice, only resignation.

"Yes."

"Tell me what happened."

Davey’s head snapped up. Jade’s eyes were intense, seeming to stare through him. Davey protested, "You don’t really want to hear it."

"No," Jade agreed. "But I have to. Tell me."

"He had a good line," Davey started softly, surrendering, indulging Jade’s obsession against his better judgment. Worse than the guilt, worse than the feelings of worthlessness, were these conversations. Davey hated them. He hated the way the admission spilled from his lips; he hated the pain that darkened Jade’s face. But he pressed on anyway, punishing both of them, reliving the memories of the early morning, the memories of a hundred other nights. "We talked," he went on. "He asked if I wanted to fuck. He said we could take it slow, it was my decision."

Jade’s voice was pleading. "Why didn’t you say no?"

Suddenly unable to bear it--the memories, Jade’s hand a ghost on his leg--Davey flung himself from the bed. His hands flew to his hair and he pulled handfuls of it until his scalp screamed for mercy. "I can’t, Jade, and you know that better than anyone else." Davey began to pace the hardwood floor, back and forth in front of the small window with its black blinds. "And I wanted it. I wanted him. There was no way you could have gotten to him." Davey shot a look of pure disdain at the man on his bed. "He’d do what I wanted."

Jade wasn’t above his own version of sadism. "Hurt you," he said bitterly, saying the things Davey wouldn’t. "Fuck you. Make you bleed." Skillful fingers curled around the edge of the bed, digging into the mattress. Skin turned pale as blood was forced away from pressure points. "Are you bleeding now, Dave?"

Davey stopped pacing and dropped his hands from his hair. He stared at Jade, sitting there, his head bowed, his body so tense. He said, "Jade," so softly.

Jade looked up. His eyes glistened with tears--tears he would refuse to cry, and Davey knew it.

"Why do you do this?" Davey’s voice was kind. "It kills you. Why can’t you leave me alone? This is my demon, Jade. Let me deal with it."

Jade refused to break eye contact. "Because this demon is going to destroy you, Dave, and you’re just going to let it." He took in a shaky breath. "Did you even use protection?"

Davey looked away.

Jade snorted. "That’s rich. Davey Havok, straight-edge icon, vegan poster-boy, sober every day of his life... doesn’t even make his rough fucks wear a condom."

Davey wrapped his arms around himself, more for protection from Jade’s stinging words than from any misguided perception of being cold. "It didn’t come up," he mumbled lamely.

"No, that’s what the dicks did." Jade shook his head slowly. "Christ, Dave. You’re just asking for it, aren’t you?"

Anger rose within Davey. If begging didn’t work, if appealing as a friend didn’t work, maybe this would. "I don’t know what you want, Jade!" he practically shouted. "I need this, and you won’t give it to me. What am I supposed to do? You won’t help me. You don’t want to help me."

Jade rose to stand in front of Davey. "Don’t say that." His voice was hard, with an edge of warning.

Davey was finally able to meet Jade’s eyes and not feel his heart wrench at what he saw there. "It’s true." He jabbed a finger at Jade’s chest. "You fucked me just fine until you figured out that I needed it." Davey shook his head. "Confessing to you was a stupid, stupid mistake. Adam knew the whole time and never treated me like you do. He looks the other way. Why the fuck can’t you?"

Jade seized Davey’s hand. "Adam thinks you’re okay. He doesn’t know the truth. I do." Jade’s eyes blazed. "You told me. I’ve seen it--I know what you look like when it consumes you. It’s awful, Davey. You never deserved it--not back then, not with me, and definitely not now, not with him." And just as suddenly as the anger appeared, it dissipated. "Stop, Dave. Just stop. Don’t do this to yourself anymore."

Davey freed his hand and put as much physical distance between himself and his friend as he could. "I’m going back. I’m seeing him again tonight." There was no arguing with the voice he used, and that was the way he meant it.

The way Jade collapsed back to the edge of the bed made him seem heavier than he was. Davey glanced over and saw him sitting there, cradling his head in his hands, pushing the heels of his palms into his eyes. Memories from countless fevered nights flashed through Davey’s brain. If he could stop... if he could have those nights back... if he could learn not to need the pain...

Jade’s voice surfaced, watery and resigned. "And what happens when he’s gone, Dave? What happens when he goes back to New Orleans?"

Davey turned his back on his friend and stared out the narrow window, out into the perfect southern California afternoon. "I’ll find someone else, Jade. I always do."

* * *

  
It was once again dark and too warm in the foyer. The door was locked; the security system was armed; clothes littered the stone tile of the floor. But there was one major difference: Trent simply hadn’t wanted to wait. It seemed that the door could, indeed, support their combined weight.

Davey found himself pushed against the heavy front door, his fingers clutching at the raised molding. Trent was behind him, the fingers of one hand tightly gripping Davey’s hip. Davey knew there’d be bruises there. The other hand Trent used to pump Davey’s stiff cock in time with each hard thrust that buried his dick deep inside the younger man, over and over again.

"Yes," Davey moaned, and let his head fall back. The pale curve of his throat was fully exposed. "Yes, Trent..."

With a surprised groan, Trent came hard and fast. His exhausted, limp body slumped against Davey’s back, and the hand he had on Davey’s cock stilled. Impatient, Davey released his hold on the door and reached down to jack himself off. He was painfully close once more when Trent’s hands stopped him.

"Wait." Trent’s voice was breathy. He kissed the back of Davey’s neck and pulled out. "Just wait."

Davey groaned and pressed his forehead to the door. "You’re killing me."

Trent dropped to his knees and placed a wet kiss at the small of Davey’s back, just above the fleshy curve of his ass.

Davey sucked in a breath and closed his eyes.

"Turn around," Trent ordered.

Davey did as he was told.

Trent used his mouth and tongue to tease Davey. He caught the soft skin on either side of Davey’s belly button between his teeth and sucked hard enough to leave mottled marks. He nipped and licked his way down, laving his tongue back and forth between Davey’s hipbones. Then he rubbed his chin, his cheeks, against Davey’s stiff erection. He blew a hot breath over the head and held his mouth just over the straining cock.

Davey moaned and plunged his fingers into Trent’s hair, twisting and pulling, urging the older man’s mouth closer and closer to his dick. "Please, Trent..."

"Ask for it." Trent’s voice was almost rough.

Breathily, Davey begged, "Suck me, please. Suck me."

Trent tongued the head of Davey’s cock, tasting the pre-come that had gathered. Davey’s knees went weak and his hands slipped down to grip Trent’s shoulders and hold himself up. Trent took just an inch into his mouth and sucked lovingly.

"You don’t know what you’re doing to me," Davey mumbled, head down, eyes closed.

Trent pulled back and held his mouth just over the head of Davey’s cock. "Tell me."

Davey groaned, rendered momentarily unable to speak when Trent suddenly took his full length deep into his throat. Trent’s tongue snaked out, and as he slowly drew Davey from his mouth, he stroked his tongue up the underside.

"Please, just let me come," Davey pleaded.

"How?" Trent demanded. His hands slid up the backs of Davey’s thighs until he was gripping Davey’s ass. "In my mouth? All over me? Inside me?"

The moan Davey released was long and low, tortured. "Get up here and kiss me. Jack me off."

With a small smile, Trent stood. He reached for Davey’s cock with one hand and wrapped his fingers firmly around the pulsing shaft. Slowly, maddeningly, he began to pump. He lifted the other hand to brace it against the door near Davey’s head.

Davey reached up and gripped Trent’s forearm; his free hand went to his dick, and his fingers tangled with Trent’s as he helped the older man work him to release. Davey closed his eyes and tipped his face up, half in invitation, half in sheer ecstatic pleasure.

Trent’s lips claimed his in a deep, open, wet kiss. Davey sighed into Trent’s mouth as he came, as Trent sucked voraciously on his tongue. Trent stroked him down, then trailed his fingers up Davey’s hip and around to his back to pull Davey firmly against him. Davey wrapped his arms around Trent’s neck and took the kisses Trent forced on him: hot, wild. Davey was struggling to breathe.

Trent tore away from the kiss and sucked in a desperate breath, then went to work on Davey’s jaw, his neck, and his ear. "You make me wish I was a younger man," he managed.

Davey let his hands slip down, until he was stroking his fingers up and down Trent’s bare, sweat-slicked back. "You’re young enough," he mused.

Trent paused, and took a moment to simply lie against Davey’s neck. His laughter was sharp and abrupt. "I need a nap."

With a smile and a stifled yawn, Davey agreed, "You gave me a pretty good workout, too."

Trent’s body shifted. "Come to bed with me."

Davey’s tongue darted out to lick at Trent’s neck. "Absolutely."

Together, they moved away from the door. A shadow danced over the wall, independent of anything else. It caught Davey’s attention, and he followed it with his eyes back to the near-opaque glass that flanked the front door. His hold on Trent tightened, but there still came that knock, followed by the musical chimes of the doorbell.

The lovers shared a look. Trent ran his hands through Davey’s hair and then disentangled himself from the younger man’s arms. He began to fasten his pants.

"I’ll get rid of them," Trent said with a faint smile. He jerked his head toward the back of the house. "You go on. I’ll be right there."

Wordless, Davey stole a kiss and then nodded his assent. He began to pick his way across the floor, through the semi-darkness. Once he reached the corner where the foyer met the hall, he slipped into the shadows against the wall and waited. He peered into the foyer and watched as Trent straightened his pants and his hair, then tried to wipe the lipstick from his face and neck. Davey’s eyes traveled down Trent’s back as the man leaned against the door and checked the peephole, then shifted his weight back to his heels as he reached for the security keypad to tap in the code that would allow him to open the door.

When the door was open, Trent asked his guest politely but distantly, "Can I help you?"

The voice that spoke Davey would know anywhere. "I’m Jade. I wanted... Is Davey here?"


End file.
